the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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