So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
