You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
