3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The Olympian is in my bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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