Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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