she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
