This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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