I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
