What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
