Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
