when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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