Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
