I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The adults are the big ones right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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