what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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