I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize