I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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