We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
