I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
