The maid of honor just puked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
