Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
