Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
