I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
