I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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