Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
