in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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