chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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