There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just cut my nipple shaving
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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