i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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