That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
