So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
