I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
