New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm like, not good at living.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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