Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
