Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
