Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize