she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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