I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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