yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
