Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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