guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
