That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
