What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
