I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
