Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize