plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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