I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
