Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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