dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
