It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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