My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
