the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
