Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize