Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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