the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
