All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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