Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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