I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize