i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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