idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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