you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
