I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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