he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
