Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
