Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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