I hate your face
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
